By: David R. Okrent, Esq.

Timothy's Law is named for Timothy O'Clair, a 12 year old boy from Schenectady who committed suicide in 2001. Timothy had been diagnosed with Depression, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, but could not get the medical treatment he needed because his parents' health insurance did not adequately cover such mental illness. After many attempts with psychologists, psychiatrists, and a couple of brief stints with inpatient care, the O'Clairs, like many other families, felt they had no alternative but to place Timothy in foster care. There he would be eligible for Medicaid, which would pay for all of the services their insurance companies refused to provide. After 7 months in foster care, Timothy returned home for a few weeks to celebrate his mother's birthday. One night, after a particularly difficult day, Timothy hanged himself in his closet while his older brother did homework in another room.

Since their son's death, Tom and Donna O'Clair and their family have been lobbying State legislature and the Governor's office to pass a law to provide health insurance parity for mental health and substance abuse treatment in New York State. Their hard work paid off last month when the Legislature passed the bill and the Governor signed it in to law. Timothy's Law would sunset on January 31, 2009.

Carl F. Wand, Esq.
Senior Partner, Wand Powers & Goody, LLP

Marriages fail for many reasons but unmet expectations almost always play a major role. We enter the marriage with very complex and sometimes unrealistic expectations. Whether we were brought up with the “Brady Bunch” or the “Adams Family,” we all have an idea of what to expect in our marriage and family. When these expectations are met, we feel that we have been successful. When the relationship does not meet these expectations, we often feel as though we’ve failed and this can lead to disappointment, depression, or anger. Whether we blame ourselves or our partners for the failure does not seem to be terribly relevant. The bottom line is, that when the failed expectations are great, our disappointment is great. The greater the disappointment the greater the likelihood that a marriage will break apart.

Carl F. Wand, Esq.
Senior Partner, Wand Powers & Goody, LLP

The Successful Divorce

The successful divorce is one in which both parties feel they have been heard, and have had an opportunity to have input in the formulation of the divorce agreement. A sense of fairness and equality usually predominates even through the pain. The terms of the agreement are adhered to and there is enough communication so that changed circumstances can be dealt with constructively. The result: children are not as devastated and both spouses can go on with their lives with a minimum of disruption. The successful divorce is one in which both parties win. The win-win techniques which are gaining greater acceptance at this time are mediation and “self planned” divorces.

Carl F. Wand, Esq.
Senior Partner, Wand Powers & Goody, LLP

Telling the Children and Family

Once the decisions have been made to get a divorce or separation and it’s been decided how you’re going to proceed, it becomes important to consider communicating with other family members and friends.

The most important people to communicate with first, are your children. It would be foolish to think that children are unaware that there is a problem. We have often had people come to our office and tell us they have been talking about divorce for some time but they don’t think their children understand that anything whatsoever is wrong. We have asked them whether they’ve fought over the last year or so and they say, “Of course, everybody fights”. We have also questioned whether they’ve spent less time together and the reply usually is, “Of course we spend less time together.” In many cases people say they are not even sharing the same bedroom anymore. We then ask, “Well how is it that your children don’t know that you’re planning a divorce or separation?” The answer is. “We always try not to fight in front of the children and they’ve never told us that they suspect anything.”