Carl F. Wand, Esq.
Senior Partner, Wand Powers & Goody, LLP

The Successful Divorce

The successful divorce is one in which both parties feel they have been heard, and have had an opportunity to have input in the formulation of the divorce agreement. A sense of fairness and equality usually predominates even through the pain. The terms of the agreement are adhered to and there is enough communication so that changed circumstances can be dealt with constructively. The result: children are not as devastated and both spouses can go on with their lives with a minimum of disruption. The successful divorce is one in which both parties win. The win-win techniques which are gaining greater acceptance at this time are mediation and “self planned” divorces.

In mediation, those seeking divorce or separation use the services of a neutral attorney who can help them reach agreement on all of the issues.

Life has its ups and downs, and some rough spots are unavoidable in every marriage. Many of us consider divorce at one time or another. There are cases when after all attempts at saving the union have failed, it is necessary to end a marriage and this may be the only choice available for you and your children.

For almost everyone, divorce represents a failure. There are many reasons for keeping a marriage together, and relationships can change over time in a healthy way. So even a bad situation can improve. In addition, marriage is not just a two party arrangement. Marriages involve children, extended families, complex vocational, financial and social networks and also provide each member of the couple with a great many conveniences that enable them to live life more easily.

The Unsuccessful Divorce

Millions of Americans have become the victims of unsuccessful divorces. The unsuccessful divorce is one which devastates the family financially and/or emotionally. It leads to ongoing conflict because of dissatisfaction with the divorce agreement. It often results in continued harassment, litigation, or unfulfilled obligations such as child support, visitation, or spousal maintenance.

There have been numerous studies documenting the damage done to the children, the couple and extended families, by the divorce process. Researchers have discovered that not only is the damage wide spread, but that it is also long lasting. Some aspects of the unsuccessful divorce which cause the greatest amount of damage are the anger, the long periods of time living in a state of confusion and uncertainty, the inability of divorced and separated people to maintain open, positive communication, the general age engendered by the process itself, and the financial stress of martial dissolution. With the growing number of divorces the courts have become more crowded, causing additional delays. As a result, legal fees have increased significantly. The system seems to be breaking down and is certainly not meeting the needs of the people. Given these conditions, many professionals in the field have hypothesized that the damage wrought by divorce may, in fact, be due more to the process than to the fact of divorce itself.

As a result more people seeking divorce or separation are using alternative dispute resolution methods. The object of these alternatives is to create a situation in which neither one spouse nor the children end up losers, but rather, the parties can achieve a successful divorce and feel satisfied with the result. For more information, visit www.wandlaw.com, or email Mr. Wand at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .